Wednesday, 5 September 2012

Wednesday Words: Then, And Now

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Sunrise from 2010!

I don't know how, I don't know why, but the other day I stumbled across my A Level English coursework. Intrigued, I gave some of it a read, and the first article I looked at was my essay for Autobiography. Whoa. I read my account of how I fell over in some mud during a PE lesson, and I cringed as the memory of the cold, squidgy mud went all up my back, in my hair, behind my ears; replayed in my mind. You see, I'd been stupid enough to run out from the changing room onto the field, on a cold overcast day in October. It had rained the day before and the field was just pure sludge. It was cross country and I had three full laps of the entire field, past woodland and the rugby pitch, to run. And in thirty seconds I'd fallen flat on my back in front of all the girls in my year. I was never popular. I certainly wasn't after that.

I won't be posting it here, as reading it made me feel pretty sad. But it's made me think hard over the week since I read the essay about how much me and my life has changed. I was about fourteen or fifteen since the day I fell in the mud, and I've never forgotten it. But time is an amazing thing. I know that leaving school for me was definitely the start of my big transformation. I started college and fell in with a good group of people (having changed my course at the very last minute, not because I didn't have the grades, I just decided on trying something I felt happier with) - I learnt loads over that year, had a great laugh, and for once, I felt both grown up, and free! (It also helped that there was no uniform and plenty of cheesy chips with peas although hindsight tells me I shouldn't have eaten so much of it...)

I can definitely say I've mellowed out, getting older. I realised that it's not actually about being popular, or liked, something I chased after a lot growing up. In fact, events in my life have made me realise that actually it wasn't worth the hassle. So much wasted energy! I came to realise who actually mattered to me in my life, and this alone made me more confident. I developed a sense of humour and a quick tongue, shaped, I guess, from all the hard times.

I've tried new things and discovered new skills and things that I admit I'm a bit rubbish at - willingly! I've banished the clutter from my life that was weighing me down. I've made mistakes, and although I've often wished I could go back in time and change them, I think of where I would be now if I had done something different. That boggles my mind completely. Although it never really feels like it at the time, I am learning every day. (Except that one time I shook a bottle of lemonade thinking it was a still drink and then opened it - oops.) And I think, for anyone, learning is a big part of living, growing older, gaining experience. If you don't learn anything, then what have you been doing?

Wednesday Words is my new attempt at writing a little bit every Wednesday documenting untold stories from my life and some of my own personal embarrassing moments.

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